Saturday, March 7, 2020

Embrace your Sexuality !

Besides all the other issues raised about women and their empowerment on the occasion of International Women's Day, their sexual health is one of the most pertinent. Incidentally, March is also touted as the "Sexual Pleasure Month" by American Sexual Health Association. With lots of brouhaha over Sex Education in the recent years, the stigma around Sexuality still remains deep rooted in our society. In the wake of rampant sexual crimes against women in our country, we are justified in preaching caution to our little girls but we really have no idea as to how to do it. If our message for caution goes wrong we may end up scarring her for life. Most Indian females have had these lessons which echo in their minds and never let them come out of their shadow to experience and enjoy their own sexuality. 
I myself was taught by seniors in my family at a tender age  that "You should not trust men" "All they want from a woman is her body" "Keep yourself covered in layers as they might be watching you with their X-ray eyes".
With these and many such lessons we grow up and get into relationships with prejudice against men in general and sex in particular. Most Indian women are not able to enjoy sex even in their marraiges because of this learnt repulsion. Being called "sexy" is not a compliment but a derogatory remark. And of course we never use the same remark for men ever! Did anyone teach us that "Sex is healthy"? Or that "Sex gives us pleasure"? Or that "Sex is beneficial for our mental and physical health"? Or that "A wife can also ask for sex, it doesn't always have to be initiated by the husband?" Or that "Having Sex relieves stress?" Or that "We are entitled to our own bodies?" 
Or that "We can talk openly about our own sexual requirements with our male partners?". 
I had a newly wedded couple for Counseling a few weeks ago. The girl said, "if he loves me he is supposed to know what I will like and what I will not?". Nobody can read our minds. It's okay to talk to him about what you like and what you don't. Trust men for once and give them a chance to know you better. They are also learning to come out of stereotypes. And I have seen an equal number of men as nervous as women are. 
Sex is afterall the language of the soul. Let's listen to speak it. The Divine Dance is not possible without our efforts to be real and intimate in a relationship truly. 
Let's accept ourselves alongwith our Sexuality and become truly empowered Women ! 

32 comments:

  1. Male or female whatever gender we are blessed with, we need to appreciate it. We have been blessed with a life by that almighty. A life which showers lots of opportunities to help us grow in all aspects of life whether it is physical, mental. Financial or spiritual .

    God has blessed us with a reproductive system which helps this human race grow in numbers. Sex is sacred but the irony is we humans are turning this sacred act into lust. Now sex is no more a Devine act but a way of fulfilling bodily needs. I must not say it is true in everyone's case but it is what we see around us.

    I completely agree with mam that we females are taught to hide our physical needs even from our partner. We are labeled too loud, too open, too shameless if we try telling anyone about our physical needs . We need to bury our physical needs inside us. This feeling is inculcated in us that we are just a medium to help males pacify or fulfill their physical needs. We must take care of their physical needs if we want a successful married life. I m fortunate that I was never told or taught to hide my feelings whatever these are.

    It is the time for us to realise that sex is the need of both the genders. Both the genders need to equally enjoy this diving feeling and feel the warmth and love in every moment of it.

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  2. You have pen down the real picture of the society,harsh reality.Its high time to understand basic need of relationship, mutual respect and understanding of each other's need.And no more make it tabo or topic of shame ...I hope your contribution as Relationship Counselor,your research work in field and workshops will reach out to PPL.
    All the best mam❤️๐Ÿ’

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  3. Really an insightful message.every gender needs to read and implement it.

    Every word of such a message will go a long way in empowering the generation.
    Waiting more blogs from Sexy Dr. chinu

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  4. I loved it Dr Chinu

    A topic of passion as a gender sensitisation and as POSH ( Prevention of Sexual Harassment at Workplace) Trainer I have come to realize how deeply ingrained suppression of sexuality of women is in our culture ...sometimes I do wonder something so ingrained in the DNA be changed through training and awareness...Lot of work needs to be done here and thank you for the step in right direction with this blog

    Happy Woman day everyone

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  5. A Taboo topic so beautifully written by a Leading light of Psychology. This may give a lot of relief from the emotional burden being carried by many as to how to broach this topic.
    Keep Writing Dr. Chinu

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  6. Thats very insightful article. My experience is, male urges are always on priority but female urges are largly ignored. Females can not talked openly about their sexual urges. As a mental health proffessional its a big task to make healthy environment for women where they can talk freely about sexual urges.

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  7. Women body is always considered as a showpiece that is only used to ornamantize the house. There desires and needs were/are considered secondary.
    Remarkable writing.

    Aparna Rana

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  8. Really an eye opener message for our orthodox society who always want women to be standing one stair down to men and of course SEX is very dirty thing to discuss in public.

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  9. A very important issue touched in this blog. Thank you !

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  10. In our male dominating society the above mentioned belief system is soo deep-rooted that is creating fear , dissatisfaction in most couple relationships . The strong belief that women are not supposed to be sexy .. if you show your body you are characterless . It is an invitation to the males . All these stereotypes only can be broken when women only take initiative to own their sexuality equally in the society. Sexuality is human right rather than placing it on the line of gender differentiation . Wonderful write up mam . I am soo touched .

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    Replies
    1. Hi this comment is written by Swati Paladhi

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  11. Very nicely pened down the harsh reality of our society.. Sensitive issue which needs to be discussed openly with youth. Thanks ma'am.. So much to learn from you

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  12. Very relevant for our society mam lots of our mental issues are actually associated with our not accepting sex urges fully and not sharing our problems related to this topic.
    Thanks a lot chinu mam for taking initiative for it and it's a great article.
    Thanks for your contribution to society

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  13. Indeed!
    A woman has the same kind desires as a man has... including sexual desires. Sex and sexuality isn't taboo, but a natural process that all of us go through and enjoy. It is not only always about equality, it is also about equity.

    A great read and so very well articulated.

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  14. Very thoughtful provoking and insightful article.Its high time to be expressive from both husband and wife team to lead a well contended married life,as we see broken marriage is so commont days . Couple should be frank at every aspect to each other

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  15. Very thoughtful provoking and insightful article.Its high time to be expressive from both husband and wife team to lead a well contended married life,as we see broken marriage is so commont days . Couple should be frank at every aspect to each other

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  16. Thank you so much ma'am for touching one of the most important and required to be discussed topic in recent era.... We all have this natural requirements , it's as natural as getting hungry or feeling sleepy.. but still we can't discuss this matter not even with our partners.. Even in our family the word sex itself is a big word which should never be spelled out ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.. And due to this taboo, sex is Never discussed , no one gives you any clue, nor the parents talk to thier children nither the children share anything to thier parents ... And because of this many rape case are going on , many extra martial affairs, divorce, miss understanding and so on... thank you ma'am .. waiting for more blogs in this matter.. Your blogs are so enthusiastic.. LIMA NANDI

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  17. An article touching such a topic ever considered *not to be discussed* even in the closed rooms in our society. A noise aroused in past regarding *sex education* but nobody helped to search the correct way to impart it, when where and how. It has been always a *matter of worry* for parents as well as family how to discuss on it. Yet, as you frequently ask in workshops how everyone gets knowledge about it. Obviously from garbage. Here you discussed it in very little space but deeply. The questions raised here are genuine and reasons, symptoms,outcomes all are pointed out clearly. Really, thought-provoking as Dr Neerja said and much more as I felt. CONGRATULATIONS on writing such a wonderful blog. Let we people enlighten more time to time.

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  18. An article touching such a topic ever considered *not to be discussed* even in the closed rooms in our society. A noise aroused in past regarding *sex education* but nobody helped to search the correct way to impart it, when where and how. It has been always a *matter of worry* for parents as well as family how to discuss on it. Yet, as you frequently ask in workshops how everyone gets knowledge about it. Obviously from garbage. Here you discussed it in very little space but deeply. The questions raised here are genuine and reasons, symptoms,outcomes all are pointed out clearly. Really, thought-provoking as Dr Neerja said and much more as I felt. CONGRATULATIONS on writing such a wonderful blog. Let we people enlighten more time to time.

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  19. Excellent article.So apt for Womens' day.This taboo topic of sex needs to be addressed.I so resonate w the thought that a woman has every right to enjoy it and be able to talk about it openly.It is a domain not exclusive to the male.We need to spread AWARENESS n encourage those suppressed.

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  20. Very beautifully written and absolutely true that because of the prejudice against men, women are not able to enjoy sex in their marriage

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  21. Fair unbiased description of the facts n mind sets of both sides of the coin female n male ����.

    Vijay mehta

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  22. เคฎเคนिเคฒाเค“ं เค•े เคธเคถเค•्เคคिเค•เคฐเคฃ เค•े เคฒिเคฏे เค†เคชเค•ा เคฏเคน เค•เคฆเคฎ เคธเคฐाเคนเคจीเคฏ เคนै। เค†เคชเคจे เคฎเคนिเคฒाเค“ं เค•ी เค†เคตเคถ्เคฏเค•เคคा เค”เคฐ เคญाเคตเคจा เค•ो เคธเคงे เคถเคฌ्เคฆों เคฎें เคต्เคฏเค•्เคค เค•िเคฏा เคนै। เค†เคชเค•ा เคฏเคน เคฒेเค– เคถिเค•्เคทा เคฎें เคฏौเคจ เคถिเค•्เคทा เค•े เคฎเคนเคค्เคต เค•ो เคธ्เคชเคท्เคŸ เคฐूเคช เคธे เคฆเคฐ्เคถाเคจे เคฎें เคธเคนाเคฏเค• เคนै।
    เคเคธे เคตिเคทเคฏ เคชเคฐ เคฒेเค–เคจी เคšเคฒाเคจे เค•े เคฒिเค เคธाเคนเคธ เค•ी เค†เคตเคถ्เคฏเค•เคคा เคนोเคคी เคนै, เคœिเคธเค•े เคฒिเค เค†เคช เคฌเคงाเคˆ เค•ी เคชाเคค्เคฐ เคนैं। เคงเคจ्เคฏเคตाเคฆ।
    My best regards to you Madam

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  23. Beautifully captured the importance of Seax. Need of the hour is rigri Education at right age by each member of the society who plays an active role in Human Development ie. Parent, Teacher, Cinema, Youth Influencers.

    If everybody understand there is a Reason and Season for Sex, one can always make Sex as Divine and Sacred.

    Rekha VV

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  24. Beautifully captured the importance of Sex. Need of the hour is right Education at right age by each member of the society who plays an active role in Child n Youth Development ie. Parent, Teacher, Cinema, Youth Influencers.

    If everybody understand there is a Reason and Season for Sex, one can always make Sex as Divine and Sacred.

    Rekha VV

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  25. Really insightful and meaningful information , regardless of gender.

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  26. Dr Chinu.. As always so rightly put words and so well crafted changes that men and women both should explore and not be shocked at the changes in their partners. Loved the Divine Dance bit which is so misunderstood only as a body need and not a soul need... Thank you and keep writing more insightful artocles for the world... !

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  27. Loved it Dr.Chinu for the way you penned down an unbiased and fair description of the stigma in society and facts about the approach taken by both the genders about sexuality.

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  28. well said ma'am..sex drive is a natural instinct which is vital to each gender..but in our society this attribute is biased ..

    moreover, in todays scenario the sacredness and the true essence of having a sexual fulfilling life is somehow tarnishing......

    thx mam for this article
    Sangeeta Gupta

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  29. Kirti Bajpai... ma'am you take a common man's concern and then weave your thoughts around that... beautiful conveyed

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  30. Dr. Chinu knows how to touch the core of the topic and also comes out with deep insights in very short write ups and same is true here too where she is dwelling upon a sensitive issue like Indian sexuality.

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