Sunday, January 12, 2020

Accepting others as they are!

We may not like some people and some people may not like us. Inspite of this, we may coexist mutually , peacefully in the same world under the same sky. I can't make it a condition for everyone to be fond of me or someone to be fond of me at all times. We feel irritated by each other even in most close relationships at times. But do these times last? Fortunately no. Times change. They change automatically. People change. They grow. They mature. We change. We grow. We mature. There are certain things we disliked in the past but we have developed a liking for lately. 

Sometimes it is difficult to learn simple facts about life. Let us try and reflect over these two phrases today 1. "People are largely unpredictable" and 2. " Everything is temporary". 
Are they making sense to you? 

One of the students of class tenth in one of the schools where I was conducting Feeling Minds®Experiential Emotional Education was highly unpopular amongst his classmates. Nobody liked to sit with him. This boy was a fair, plump boy. When I received a special request from the class teacher to meet him separately as she was worried about his class performance, I found him to be a decent boy with nice, pleasant manners. It was difficult to understand why would anyone not like him. 

I asked to meet a few of his classmates to seek their opinion about him. They told me "Ma'am , he is very irritating" .

When I asked them to describe in more details, they said "Ma'am, he doesn't like to study" "He talks about all other things besides studies" "Ma'am, he once threw my water bottle when we were in 3rd Std. It broke to pieces and I got a beating at home because it was a very expensive one. I don't like him since then. " 

These reasons were strangely inadequate for the kind of boycott the boy was facing from the entire class. 

I then made the class do an activity the next day. Where they stood in two circles. An inner circle and outer circle. The people in the inner circle had to step in one by one. All others had to describe what they liked about this person. Which he was free to accept or reject. 

Then he has to tell the group about some of the things that he doesn't like about himself. And the others were to comment whether this is true about him or not. For e.g he could say "I am not good at Maths"

The outer circle would then discuss and comment , even if he is not good at Maths, can he still live in the same world as they are living? 

Can he be in the same class?

Can he breathe the same air?

Can he still be friends with them? 

The class would scream at every question "Yes Ma'am !!!" 

They learnt an important lesson on "Unconditional other acceptance" over the next few days, with the help of many such activities. 

We are all after all imperfect fallible human beings and so are others! 

If we can give this discount to ourselves , isn't it logical to extend it to others too? 

We may like or prefer for others to behave according to our parameters but unfortunately they don't have to and we have but very little control over them. The sooner we understand this, the less heart burn we are going to suffer! 

And hence we learn to accept ourselves with our pluses and minuses and accept others with theirs! 

When acceptance seeps in , the doors to change open. 


25 comments:

  1. It's hard but the acceptance comes with time & age. I have realised that over a period of time.
    Liked the activity. Would use it in my training.

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  2. It is very important to accept ourselves, others and life if we want to have a peaceful inside and outside world. Really thought provoking article. Thanks a lot. Keep writing and keep motivation like you do.

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  3. Very nicely written yet difficult to practice. Will try to follow this unconditional acceptance

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  4. This is what the ESP of Feeling Minds . Explaining concepts in an experiential way.acceptance of self others n life all can be explained by such an activity

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  5. Very thought provoking article. It's very difficult to practise in reality .In relationships as the needs change so do people and their priorities.

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  6. I found it an eye opener for me. As there is no age to learn even smallest or the most ordinary thing in life. No matter how much I have studied I found this article to be very helpful for me in the first place and ofcourse I am gonna help people to accept them and other's unconditionally. 😊 Thankyou Chinu Ma'am.

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  7. Thank you Dr Chinu for quoting such simple example and bringing forth the most mindful thought. It is very unfortunate that most of us don't operate with simple awareness of other and us existence when we all know that there is a co dependency whether we are classmates at school, colleagues at work or even family at home. Your blog is a great reminder for us to mindful...!

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  8. Explained so wisely!!!Acceptance of every human being is required.

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  9. Yes ma'am its true we all know about we are different with other but we don't accept other thoughts. You wrote very nicely

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  10. Yes, thank you for this reminder. No need to cause psychological distress by demanding how others act. And also to learn that ones shortcomings do not disqualify them of their humanity.

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  11. It is always to easy to understand complex concepts with Ma’am’s experiential style of teaching. No amount of textbook studies can being such clarity!

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  12. Helpful...such activity should be done for each school to help child learn more about thrmselvth.Rekha

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  13. Simply loved the last line'when acceptance seeps in...'and this acceptance is more beneficial for us than anyone else as it prevents us being irritable,being judgemental and helps us to be at peace..Loved this write up a lot mam!Thank you

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  14. Would like to know more about activities on unconditional acceptance for students

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  15. Simple yet effective way of understanding about unconditional self acceptance, unconditional others acceptance and unconditional life acceptance. This is what I rather all those who know you, love about you Ma'am... The simple yet effective persona. 🙂

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  16. Such a wonderful & crisp explaination of accepting others. It is although difficult but others acceptance starts with self acceptance & this article helps us learn both.

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  17. Dr. Chinnu what an apt topic you have chosen lot of kids face discrimination in the school because of various issues. The activity you have told would teach kids about what unconditional acceptance is and to be non judgemental . Thanks for sharing your ideas,very useful for professionals a swell.
    Samatha

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  18. Food for thought ma'am..Thanks for sharing this activity...Kirti Bajpai

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  19. Very beautifully articulated. I liked the activity. I might use this activity near future in my group session. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and ideas.
    Thanks & Regards,
    Hitakshi Vyas Joshi

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  20. Very beautiful and simple activity to make people understand to accept people as they are. Thank you for such helpful and informative articles.
    Ishwari Chavan

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  21. Wow ma'am such an inspiring blog how beautifully you made those children as well as all of us understand about the concept of unconditional acceptance.... You always make things easy to understand. how beautifully you have teach concepts through your blogs as you are physically present. your blog is filled with deeper insight. your blogs actually help me a lot to manage my intrapersonal conflicts. your previous blogs shine like a sun and the black birds are truly amazing whenever I feel low I read them and revive my positive thinking. i am eagerly waiting for your next blog.

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  22. Good one to understand. But, sometimes accepting short period like in schools with friends,is fine, but how aboutafor for longer periods, may be life time, with in law's, or troublesome husband and relatives? It's difficult phase I guess. Is there any solution for that to keep oneself stress free?

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