Accepting others as they are!

We may not like some people and some people may not like us. Inspite of this, we may coexist mutually , peacefully in the same world under the same sky. I can't make it a condition for everyone to be fond of me or someone to be fond of me at all times. We feel irritated by each other even in most close relationships at times. But do these times last? Fortunately no. Times change. They change automatically. People change. They grow. They mature. We change. We grow. We mature. There are certain things we disliked in the past but we have developed a liking for lately. 

Sometimes it is difficult to learn simple facts about life. Let us try and reflect over these two phrases today 1. "People are largely unpredictable" and 2. " Everything is temporary". 

Are they making sense to you? 

One of the students of class tenth in one of the schools where I was conducting Feeling Minds®Experiential Emotional Education was highly unpopular amongst his classmates. Nobody liked to sit with him. This boy was a fair, plump boy. When I received a special request from the class teacher to meet him separately as she was worried about his class performance, I found him to be a decent boy with nice, pleasant manners. It was difficult to understand why would anyone not like him. 

I asked to meet a few of his classmates to seek their opinion about him. They told me "Ma'am , he is very irritating" .

When I asked them to describe in more details, they said "Ma'am, he doesn't like to study" "He talks about all other things besides studies" "Ma'am, he once threw my water bottle when we were in 3rd Std. It broke to pieces and I got a beating at home because it was a very expensive one. I don't like him since then. " 

These reasons were strangely inadequate for the kind of boycott the boy was facing from the entire class. 

I then made the class do an activity the next day. Where they stood in two circles. An inner circle and outer circle. The people in the inner circle had to step in one by one. All others had to describe what they liked about this person. Which he was free to accept or reject. 

Then he has to tell the group about some of the things that he doesn't like about himself. And the others were to comment whether this is true about him or not. For e.g he could say "I am not good at Maths"

The outer circle would then discuss and comment , even if he is not good at Maths, can he still live in the same world as they are living? 

Can he be in the same class?

Can he breathe the same air?

Can he still be friends with them? 

The class would scream at every question "Yes Ma'am !!!" 

They learnt an important lesson on "Unconditional other acceptance" over the next few days, with the help of many such activities. 

We are all after all imperfect fallible human beings and so are others! 

If we can give this discount to ourselves , isn't it logical to extend it to others too? 

We may like or prefer for others to behave according to our parameters but unfortunately they don't have to and we have but very little control over them. The sooner we understand this, the less heart burn we are going to suffer! 

And hence we learn to accept ourselves with our pluses and minuses and accept others with theirs! 

When acceptance seeps in , the doors to change open. 

The Black Birds.

In the vast canvass of our mind, thoughts keep coming and going just like birds flying in the sky. These birds are of all colors. Let's say peaceful thoughts are like white birds, thoughts of love and passion are pink, thoughts of energy ,enthusiasm and exertion are navy blue which are aligned to our purpose and task. Green birds signify refreshing thoughts and Yellow the color of hope, happiness and brightness. But besides all these colors we also encounter black birds sometimes. Thoughts that disturb us. Thoughts that make us feel distressed, helpless and hopeless. Thoughts that scare us, terrify us. Thoughts of self doubt. We tend to trap these black birds in the prison of our mind. They stay longer there than any of the colourful thoughts. The prison makes them flutter and they make a lot of noise. They want to escape. They were simply flying like the other thoughts through the sky. They didn't come to stay. They were also temporary. But we were so interested in these black ones that we just caught them perforce. And now we are not ready to let them go. We are looking at them again and again. They are ugly. They don't make us feel good. Still we keep paying them so much attention. They are not helping us in any way. Still we are holding them. They seem to be so meaningless and illogical. Still we are not letting them go. They are making so much noise. They are not letting us focus on the good things in our life, on the task at hand. Would it help to know that these black birds were also going to come and go without leaving any footprints behind? That we trapped them and fed them with so much attention that they became so big? You failed on one test and a black bird came flying saying you are no good. But unless you trap this thought it will just make a little noise and then fly away. Another grey one will come and say but it was just one test after all! And then will come another biege colored which will say "We all are imperfect , fallible, human beings, and we can fail at times" . Isn't this one worth paying more attention to? Let go of the black birds...there are so many other colors coming your way! Be ready to welcome them with open arms!! 

The mindful way of thinking!

Thinking is a continuous process. It is seamless. Let us think of these thoughts as birds flying in the sky. In the extensive canvas of the blue sky do we see these birds flying , thousands of them coming from one side and going to the other? They simply fly. Without leaving any footprints behind. They may be white birds. Thoughts signifying peace, purity and tranquility. When these thoughts are crossing the canvass of our mind how would we feel? What will be our heart rate? Will we be smiling softly? Would we like these thoughts to visit us more often? Would we like them to stay? Would we like to behave in alignment to these thoughts? 

Working towards having a peaceful and quiet, relaxing and calm state of mind will require : :becoming more and more aware of our own breath. Becoming aware of the present moment. Becoming mindful. Living in the present. Experience what is going on in the here and the now. Just experience. Without evaluating. Without rating it as good or bad. Welcome the white birds without attempting to trap them. Just observe them. Watch them from a distance. Notice them. By just becoming more aware of the passing thoughts a peaceful state is attained. 

At the same time being anchored in our involuntary, continuous, melodious , rhymthic, life giving process of breathing. This breath watching can take place at two places in our body. At our nostrils. The breath that goes inside is a little colder and the breath that comes outside is a little warmer. Notice your incoming and outgoing breath. Be with it. The breath can also be noticed by our abdominal movements. With each incoming breath the abdomen expands and we can notice the abdominal wall moving outwards. With each outgoing breath the abdomen contracts. We can notice the abdominal wall going inwards. Just be with your breath. Increase your awareness for your own breathing. And let the birds fly ! 

What about the black birds? And red ones? Wait for the next blog to meet them and deal with them.